little brown bag

little brown bag laying in the road,
looking dejected and so cold,
top a mash but kind of rolled,
what kind of treasure do you hold?

a cookie,
some candy,
an old dirty shoe?

a nice book
a severed head
are you full of poo

a prescription,
a child's toy,
some kittens that mew?

a vodka bottle,
a turkey sub,
a ticket to Kalamazoo?

tell me
oh tell me
now what should I do?

As I drive past
on my way to class
I haven't got a clue

your contents are a mystery
I fear that this must always be
unless some one had chance to see

the dropper of the bag... was me.

tinkle tinkle little stall

Time and again, it becomes necessary to use a public toilet. I have some reservation about using said toilets because I am not delighted by the notion that I have no control over the cleanliness of said toilet or who has been sitting on it. I will go to some very serious lengths to avoid the mere thought of using a public toilet because I hate them so very much.

It has happened to me that it has been unavoidable to use such facilities and I have given in to using them to avoid using my own pants as an alternative. I always find the experience disgusting but there have also been times I have been super grateful for their existence. On the whole though, I find that its always pretty much the same. Even if it is a "clean" bathroom.

You walk in. The smell of other peoples bums mingled with disinfectant and moldy paper towels hits you in the face. If you are unfortunate, a line awaits you. Some other people who's butts you are surely to smell. A line, you must wait in until a "room" opens up and you are allowed to sit on the previous occupant's warmth. If you are fortunate, no line so then, anxiety over which stall to peek into bubbles up. Will it be empty of debris? Will there be a floater??

You finally decide on a stall and enter, shutting behind you the door that almost entirely conceals your soon to be naked butt. Droplets on the seat, are they tinkle? Are they "spray" from an industrial strength toilet flush? Where are the latex gloves? Or, should I just put 20 paper toilet seat covers on top of them and hope? Hope that the toilet is not self flushing so your seat covers are sucked down into the toilet just as you get your pants down far enough to hover over them thus spraying your naked butt with "water" all while the person next to you is plopping. Come on, courtesy flush! You hope that puddle is......water? Someone farts. Someone tries the door. Someone is having a phone conversation. IS that puddle water? Does that foot thing mean the same thing in a woman's bathroom? The nightmare is complete.

You hurry to wash your hands and hope you can use a towel to touch the door handle. (because not everyone does wash) eeeewww

I will avoid unless I can not. In which case, I will cringe and bear it.

Ode to a sink scrubber

I was on the phone with my mother, the other day, while I was driving home from the gym. We were engaged in polite conversation and I inquired as to the happenings of her day. She replied that she had merely gone to the store. I asked what she had purchased at the store to which she responded that she had "only" gotten a new sink scrubber and that it was not that exciting.
"oh I don't know about that Mom" was my hasty reply.
A new sink scrubber, if your old one is disgusting, can be quite exciting and revitalizing. A new zeal for cleaning can be achieved when one trades in an old scrubber, bristles bent and matted together, rubber grip starting to come loose. The one last bit of food, stuck amongst its bristles, encaged by them so that no matter how many times you put it through the dish washer or spray it with the nozzle of the faucet, pick at it with some utensil, or soak it in the sink, is never coming out. The discoloration from the multiple times it has been used to scrub tomato based sauce from pots and pans or the sheer hopelessness of trying, unsuccessfully, to use it to loosen grime from a casserole dish can drive one to drink.
But a new one, a scrubber so bright and fresh with the enticing promise of a scrub done well, no smashed bristles or bit of food, no funny smell or discoloration. Its a revelation. A new scrubber is in no way "only" anything.................................. if your old scrubber is disgusting.
So enjoy it Mom! I hope it is all you would hope it could be!!!!
oh and Happy Mother's Day Mom! Your the best!