Mortification

I am going to take a break from my smattering of memories to be posted here. I am just wondering and putting it out to the universe, if anyone has reviewed the laws about declaring bankruptcy? I have, as of late, been inquiring about the subject and have come to some rather terrifying revelations.
If you are unfortunate enough to have to do something as fiscally annihilating as declaring bankruptcy, one could assume that times may have been hard on you and you may have made some decisions that you regret. All being said the trip to the attorney's office to work out the details of your ultimate shame is where you shall leave the last shred of dignity that you ever possessed. You will spend your humiliation regiment going over all of the creditors who have been left without due compensation and have been voicing their displeasure to you in any way they can conceive. You will also be asked to decide what all the things you possess are worth. For some this may not be a devastating blow to the ego, but for others you will find the sum of the parts of your life do not mount to a dollar amount that you wish to share with anyone, let alone some lawyer you hardly know. Much to your dismay you may find there is one thing in your life that IS worth something.

The only vehicle you own. Surely, you imagine, it will be left out of the process since you have a family to tote around inside of it. Just as you settle in to assure, said attorney, that you dont want to include the debt still owed on your vehicle he asks you.... How much equity do you have in it??? hmmm. Well, my father used to sell cars so, in my entire life I have never been upside down on a loan for a car. I guess we have about $5,000 of equity in the car but we would never sell it because it is our only vehicle, I use it for my employment and we, obviously, cant get loan for another car because if we were not in crisis mode we would not be sitting in an office with our dignity hanging by a thread.
The reply heard around the world, or it may have only seemed to be so loud, is that the car will become the property of the state and they will allow you to retain $2500. to purchase a new car.

This causes one to think. And the retort I have to fire back is thus,, Please blow it out your ear and sign me up for any kind of welfare you can think of because I am no longer going to be able to leave my house accept for on foot. I will also be unable to retain my job because I work with multiple children at a time and must provide them with transportation that is reliable and adequate. Upon declaring bankruptcy I will no longer be eligible for loans for about seven years so I guess there is only the option of taking the $2500. and purchasing some piece of crap that I will spend an unimaginable amount of money fixing every month. So hook me up with food stamps but hurry and put in a bus stop somewhere close to my house so I can get to the store. And hurry and pay for my house because I cant get to a job to pay for it myself and I cant declare it on my bankruptcy because I already did that. sheesh I cant even say I am going to live in my van down by the river because the state took it.

In my rage I have a moment of sanity. MEXICO! Hell, they skip our borders plenty to run from whatever so maybe it is about time I dealt out a little pay back. Then I could keep my van and just stick it to the creditors who will just have to scratch their heads. They wont be any worse off than if I had declared bankruptcy. Hey and we can take what little money we have and we will be rich down there. We like to work and could really bring some experience to the table down there. Maybe we will start a revolution and make things better. Perhaps we will just live in our van down by a river. I could just sell enchiladas on the side of the road. People seem to like the way I make them. Salsa anyone?? So if you don't see us for a while or if you wonder, whatever happened to that one chick with the gap teeth? Ask yourself this.... Do you love tacos?? Have an affinity for the fifth of May??? Day of the Dead perhaps?? You might just have to look for us south of the border, licking the salt from our wounds and recovering from the insult we were given after the injury we sustained the past few years, but hey, I like siesta's.
Hey kids can you say Chiclets???? How bout Viva la Mexico???

Ole`

this one's going out to my homies

I liken writing this blog to cleaning the dust out of the corners of the house. It has to happen but I am inconsistent. Sometimes I do it everyday and sometimes a long hiatus is the result of too much to do and too little time to do it in.
Its a long story, this life of mine, and the problem is that the longer it gets the harder it is for me to put my memories in sequential order. I have a slew of them that are knocking to get out of my head but they want to tumble out willy nilly and I am having a very hard time wrangling them into some kind of sensible order.
The most pressing one tonight may be coming to the forefront of my ever tiring brain because I just spent the weekend with my family and we were all in a bar listening to my younger brother rap.
I believe I was just going to kindergarten. I remember being terrified of walking the distance and having my mother assure me I could do it. I acutely recall the sensation being so small and feeling like I might fall through the cracks in the sidewalk. I also recall feeling quite alone as my older siblings could not have been bothered with walking beside me. They had friends to be cool for. I could see my Sister in the distance walking home. She seemed to be upset but why I could not tell. I walked home along the stretch without much thought but when I arrived home there was quite a commotion. Apparently, my parents were up the street at the local bully's house. My older brother, who did and still can have quite a mouth on him, had gotten himself in quite a situation with a much older and larger boy who was known for being a hot head himself. In true big brother style, he could not back down even when the bully got off his bike to teach my brother a lesson. My sister who was older but not so very large observed the exchange and came running. As I understand it, my sister told the big male intimidateor that if he wanted to hurt her brother he would have to get through her first. (Upon hearing this I remember being shocked. I thought she hated us all. I mean she beat us up pretty regularly.)
This big alpha, but ultimately pansy, male punched my sister right in the eye. A girl. Right in the eye. His own friends were shocked. He got back on his bike and rode away. When my sister got home and my brother related the story to my mom and dad they took her straight up to the kids house. That is where they were when I made it home from my arduous journey on my own. That is when it really hit me that my family was down to scrap for each other. In a really ghetto and white trash or just plain down for life kind of way, even though I thought we all kind of despised each other. No. From my younger brother to my dad every one of us will kick your ass if you mess with another. For me, being that I was small and timid at the time, it was a kind of revelation. I could rest assured that no matter what, someone was going to kick the bully's ass.
I guess my parents came to find out that my sister had kicked the bully in the nads and that is the reason he had really hit her. But she was defending her little brother. My parents said that they had gone to the boy's house and had to wait in a line of other parents who wanted to talk to the boys parents about his violence. My life was never the same after that and I dont think I was too afraid to walk home anymore. I also think my siblings started walking nearer to me than they had before. And I knew, though I had not the words for it then, that my family was always going to be livin "thug life"

Peace Out.