this one's going out to my homies

I liken writing this blog to cleaning the dust out of the corners of the house. It has to happen but I am inconsistent. Sometimes I do it everyday and sometimes a long hiatus is the result of too much to do and too little time to do it in.
Its a long story, this life of mine, and the problem is that the longer it gets the harder it is for me to put my memories in sequential order. I have a slew of them that are knocking to get out of my head but they want to tumble out willy nilly and I am having a very hard time wrangling them into some kind of sensible order.
The most pressing one tonight may be coming to the forefront of my ever tiring brain because I just spent the weekend with my family and we were all in a bar listening to my younger brother rap.
I believe I was just going to kindergarten. I remember being terrified of walking the distance and having my mother assure me I could do it. I acutely recall the sensation being so small and feeling like I might fall through the cracks in the sidewalk. I also recall feeling quite alone as my older siblings could not have been bothered with walking beside me. They had friends to be cool for. I could see my Sister in the distance walking home. She seemed to be upset but why I could not tell. I walked home along the stretch without much thought but when I arrived home there was quite a commotion. Apparently, my parents were up the street at the local bully's house. My older brother, who did and still can have quite a mouth on him, had gotten himself in quite a situation with a much older and larger boy who was known for being a hot head himself. In true big brother style, he could not back down even when the bully got off his bike to teach my brother a lesson. My sister who was older but not so very large observed the exchange and came running. As I understand it, my sister told the big male intimidateor that if he wanted to hurt her brother he would have to get through her first. (Upon hearing this I remember being shocked. I thought she hated us all. I mean she beat us up pretty regularly.)
This big alpha, but ultimately pansy, male punched my sister right in the eye. A girl. Right in the eye. His own friends were shocked. He got back on his bike and rode away. When my sister got home and my brother related the story to my mom and dad they took her straight up to the kids house. That is where they were when I made it home from my arduous journey on my own. That is when it really hit me that my family was down to scrap for each other. In a really ghetto and white trash or just plain down for life kind of way, even though I thought we all kind of despised each other. No. From my younger brother to my dad every one of us will kick your ass if you mess with another. For me, being that I was small and timid at the time, it was a kind of revelation. I could rest assured that no matter what, someone was going to kick the bully's ass.
I guess my parents came to find out that my sister had kicked the bully in the nads and that is the reason he had really hit her. But she was defending her little brother. My parents said that they had gone to the boy's house and had to wait in a line of other parents who wanted to talk to the boys parents about his violence. My life was never the same after that and I dont think I was too afraid to walk home anymore. I also think my siblings started walking nearer to me than they had before. And I knew, though I had not the words for it then, that my family was always going to be livin "thug life"

Peace Out.