Boys

Boobs. They are so puzzling to me. I am constantly amazed at the power they have over men. I began to notice this when, at a very young age my poor sister became endowed. She had so many mixed feelings about them. When it was my turn I found that I also had mixed emotions about them. I have come to think that it is God's little prank on women. We are doomed to have a love/hate relationship with them forever. The stages are so prominent. You get boobs. (and if you are related to me you get them early and they come on with a vengeance) Then girls who do not have them yet make fun of you for having to wear a bra and boys.. well boys are so hypnotized they can only make grunting noises and slobber on themselves. So then when everyone has boobs the comparing begins. Some girls are mad because they dont have much and the girls who have too much are either flaunting them or ashamed and wearing a sports bra. Any way you slice it it is a hard adjustment and boys... well boys are so hypnotized they can only make grunting noises and slobber on themselves. Then when a woman is in her twenties she can finally own her own body without all the awkwardness. Boobs can become a source of power to get out of speeding tickets or get a guy to buy you a drink or take out your garbage. We women begin to think, " hey these things are kinda fun to have. lovely" and boys... well boys are so hypnotized they can only make grunting noises and slobber on themselves. Then as a woman approaches her thirties and possibly has a few kids. Something happens. GRAVITY?? What the hell? They used to be perky and now what? flat and weird and shriveled like a raisin. One definition for shriveled is "To lose or cause to lose vitality or intensity". In the face of such loss of vitality some reach for surgery. Some a push up bra. Others just wrap themselves and have a uniboob effect. Corset? Button your coat under them? Stilts?? a wheelbarrow? Just like that We are back to feeling awkward about them. Just picking out the apparatus to hoist them can be a chore.
Why?
It is a lamentation I hear over and over. Torpedo boobs, no longer pointing outward but swinging low like a pendulum, elongating and a woman is sure that she can no longer be attractive but boys ... well boys are so hypnotized they can only make grunting noises and slobber on themselves.
Dont worry girls for whatever reason, no matter how we feel about them for guys the effect is the same.